waiting

this photo was taken on the beautiful beach in san diego

my grandma has been really sick the past couple of weeks. in the hospital, sick and living day by day. it makes me really sad because i haven’t seen my grandma in a long time. she lives in western nebraska, around 7 + hours away from me. there is no excuse why i haven’t gone and visited…i mean really there isn’t. my mom has been out there for a few weeks now, taking care of a million things. my sisters both made a trip out there a week ago, which unfortunately fell over the weekend of our wedding anniversary so we couldn’t go. my sister tasha said that it was a really emotional experience and that it was really hard to see grandma like that. tasha said one thing my grandma kept saying was, if you don’t like something in your life, change it or learn to love it. i have always love this notion of power over your own destiny. i have tried to practice this, but sometimes lose sight of what it really means.

live each day to your fullest. try new things, but don’t be afraid if you love the “old things”. surround yourself with good people, try to be positive and try not to worry. but waiting…for what’s to come can be painful. i am one of the least paranoid persons i know. i trust strangers, i always give people the benefit of the doubt. most of the time i don’t fret over something bad happening. i always truly believe things will work out for the best, and not just “it’s meant to be” best, but like POOF problem gone. there is serious power in positive thinking. that’s the way i have been with my grandma. never finding myself getting upset or worrying. i just know it’s going to be ok…but i know i can’t predict that. so i wait.

my dad and i are going to drive out there this weekend. my mom will still be there and hopefully we can take some of the stress off her. hopefully my grandma will be conscious and be able to talk to me. hopefully i will be able to tell her everything is going to be ok.