Monthly Archives: May 2013

month by month: 1 month


baby bastian is a month old! i can’t believe it’s already been a month. things are going really good and i don’t think he could get any more precious. he keeps changing everyday. things i have learned about motherhood and my sweet baby bash in the first month:
– always have that new diaper under that bum…i have been pooped on twice so far
– he likes to be held…constantly (i secretly love this because i get a lot of snuggle time)
– i swear he smiles at mom and dad purposefully and not just because he has gas or something
– he loves car rides and being on the go
– he loves his baths! he can be screaming and once he is put in his tub he instantly is happy
– he is a little drama king. everything seems to be a big production, from farting and pooping to being tired and hungry…he will let you know
– the faces he makes are priceless, i think he might get that from mom 🙂
– he makes the craziest grunts and noises
– he smiles in his sleep and it’s adorable
– breastfeeding was hard as hell but if you give it a couple weeks and don’t give up its so worth it! the bonding time is priceless…not to mention free 🙂
– he has long fingers and toes
– I think his hair is going to turn blonde
– 95% of people think he looks like brian
– he is about 8 lbs 6 oz now
– his eyes are blue
– his daily routine is hungry, happy, grumpy, sleepy, repeat
– we had a 5 hour stretch of sleeping last night!
we fall more and more in love with you each day baby bastian. we could stare at you every hour of every day and not ever get sick of those sweet faces and noises you make. can’t wait for you to experience more of the world!


add some curb appeal


i don’t know about you guys, but i am really in love with colorful front doors. i think they add so much personality to a home and really make your home scream “fun people live here!” our front door right now is boring white. our house is a redish purplish brick color and i just don’t think the white door really does anything for the entrance. our trim on the windows and the gutters are a dark gray. i am really in love with yellow front doors, but i had to count that out just because of the brick color. i found this arrangement of colorful front doors on pinterest and i love them all! i think the best colors that would go with the brick would be the dark blue/turquoise and then maybe even the light blue. what do you guys think?

ps. when i will i find time to do any projects with a baby that wants to be held constantly? who knows…i will just soak up the cuddle time as long as i can.

why 4am isn’t so bad

here is a cute little video I took the other night. check it out here

bastian’s newborn photos


in case you missed it: how adorable is this photo that my talented sister, taura horn photography took last weekend. isn’t he just precious! check out the rest of them here.

life lately

lifelately0514a lifelately0514b

so these past three weeks have been pretty hectic and even though people say newborns sleep all the time…i can’t seem to find 20 consecutive minutes to do much of anything. i do have time to take pictures as you can see. all brian and i do is take pictures of this cute little guy. he is changing everyday and i know he is just going to grow so fast.

bastian is a pretty good baby for the most part. he is really alert when he is awake. he loves to be outside, we call him our little nature baby. he likes walks and loves car rides. he eats every 3 hours and is slowly getting to be a faster eater. at first it took him an hour to eat…and now it’s down to about 40 minutes. after he got his frenulum clipped it has been loads better, less painful and faster. i also didn’t really plan on co-sleeping with this little munchkin, but as a parent you do what works. if it means more sleep for mama right now, we will do it. that’s how pretty much everything is when it comes to newborns…do what works. i can’t get enough snuggle time with him either. brian and i fight over who gets to snuggle with him haha. he has skinny little chicken legs right now but i know that soon those legs will be filled with fatty rolls.

we are just trying to work on fattening him up. at his two week checkup he was about 3 oz. short of his birth weight. our pediatrician told us not to worry, that as long as he was gaining weight at a good rate, he was going to be fine. we do have another appointment this week to make sure that he is still gaining. our pediatrician always puts my mind at ease, and makes sure i know that i am not starving my baby. as a breastfeeding mom, it is so hard to think that you aren’t giving your baby enough food. we are just pushing along and i know it will get easier!

at this point we have made it three weeks with this sweet little guy. it feels like he has been a part of our lives forever, but at the same time we are slowly trying to adjust to having him in our lives. he is so animated and makes the cutest little faces that i don’t think we will ever stop taking pictures.


baby’s first bath



last week we gave mr. bastian his first bath. he wasn’t too upset by it…but wasn’t that excited about it either. when we took him out of the bath he looked so cute i told brian to take a picture of his little nakey bum, and well i got peed on…i think i got what i deserved in his eyes. doesn’t he have the cutest stink eye!

bastian’s birth story


this post has all the details, so it may gross some out…don’t read if you don’t want to know what birth is REALLY like…

i was 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant and feeling rather uncomfortable. one of my good friends recommended i go to a chiropractor to get my pelvis realigned and some acupuncture to try to naturally induce labor. i was kind of skeptical but i figured what the heck. i made the appointment for that day, it was a tuesday. the appointment was quick and painless. when she did acupuncture i didn’t feel him kicking around like she said i might, so i thought well at least i tried. i went home after work without going to the gym because i wanted to just relax and take it easy…thank god i did.

we made dinner, i had a glass of wine and went to bed like any normal night around 9:45. i suddenly woke up at about 11 and thought i was peeing my pants. i shot up out of bed running (waddling with my legs closed) to the bathroom. i thought to myself…have i really lost all control of my body that i would just pee the bed?…this is sad! brian called out from the bedroom “what the heck is going on?” i told him “i think i peed my pants!” i sat on the toilet looking at the wet floor thinking, there is no way this is pee…this has to be my water breaking. that’s when i saw my mucus plug. yes, it’s gross…and it looks just the way it sounds. i called out to brian “i think my water broke! and i lost my mucus plug!” he was quiet…”so what does that mean? are you in labor?” “yup”, i said, i think this is it.

my contractions started about 5-10 minutes after my water broke. they were not crazy intense, but enough for me to stop and concentrate. brian was kind of in a panic state, packing his bag and trying to get dressed. we held off calling our doula and my mom for about an hour. my mom happened to take a little trip to kansas city, which is about 3 hours away thinking there was no way i would go into labor that night. around midnight we decided to call our doula and my mom, telling them our situation. i told my mom to hang tight and i would call her when i thought she needed to leave. i had no idea how long this would take…i have never done this before! kelly, our doula, told me to take a bath, relax and try to get some sleep. getting in the bath felt great! my contractions were coming every 8 minutes or so. i got out of the tub and made my way to the bed. we “tried” to relax and i “tried” to get sleep…but i just couldn’t do it. i lasted maybe 1 hour in bed before i gave up and said i needed to get back in that glorious tub. things started getting more intense, the contractions started to get more painful and closer together (5-7 minutes apart) and i started to get more and more hostile toward brian. it was 3am and it was time to call kelly. i needed backup stat!

kelly got there around 3:45 and i think brian and i were both really thankful that someone with some experience could help us out. i also called my mom and said i think you should start heading toward omaha. kelly had me walking around the house, kneeling, walking, then kneeing again, basically trying anything that would help me feel comfortable and to get my contractions to stay consistent. every time i changed positions i would get a contraction. also, with every contraction more amniotic fluid would gush out. i constantly felt like i was peeing my pants.

by 6am we got back in the tub and things started to get more consistent and intense. we had called the doctor earlier in the night to let her know that my water broke, and she said that she wants to see me in the hospital by 5 or 7am to get my antibiotics for group b strep. brian got a call when we were in the tub from our doctor wondering where we were. brian started getting worried that we breaking some rules :). my contractions were coming very steady even with me being in the water. they were painful, intense, and took all my concentration to get through them. kelly had me take deep breaths in, then hold my head back and blow. she told me to focus on blowing the pain out. this actually really helped.  kelly and brian both agreed that it was time to go to the hospital.

i remember thinking to myself “man, i wish i looked a little cuter going to the hospital” haha. i had a nightgown on with tennis shoes and a coat, my hair was in a wet bun on top of my head, and i was red faced with no makeup…beautiful! i wasn’t looking forward to car ride, but kelly helped ease my mind by sitting in the back seat with me, holding my hand and telling me i would only have 7 contractions on the way there. i was in good spirits on the way there. we were talking about how brian and i met, and kind of “trying” to enjoy the last moments as just the two of us as a couple between contractions. i joked that we would get to the hospital and i would only be 2-3 cm…

we arrived at the hospital at 6:55am. when they checked me at 7:15 am i was 2-3 cm, 100% effaced and -1 station. i remember thinking to myself…don’t get upset, there is nothing you can do about it but try to stay focused and stay in good spirits. i AM going to have this baby today, i thought. i went into the tub at 7:30am. we had music (which in hindsight, i didn’t really even pay attention to) the lights dimmed, and battery powered candles in the bathroom to help keep me relaxed. my mom arrived and my support team formed. things started to get pretty intense pretty quickly. i needed to make noise, as deep breaths no longer cut it. i was making moaning noises and kelly redirected me to make a low “oooo” noise. this helped immensely. i had to focus on staying in a low tone and it was a note that i could hold for a long time. my team would “oooo” with me, and we sounded like a group of monks. kelly had the nurse check me while i was in the tub, which i was so thankful for because i didn’t want to have to get out of the tub. every time you move or change positions you have a contraction…so you just want to stay put haha. the nurse checked me at 8:15, so an hour later, and i was 5 cm. i kind of knew deep in my mind that this was going to go fast, so i better hold it together.

by 8:45 with each contraction i started to have the urge to push. at the peak of my contraction my body would just convulse. they all told me to stop this urge, to breathe through it. i think the nurse as well as kelly had the same thought as me, that this was going to happen quickly. i got out of the tub and sat on the toilet…don’t ask me why, but this just felt good. i think most women would say the same. by 9am i got on the hospital bed and the nurse checked me again and i was 7-8 cm. kelly assured me that i was doing great; i was pulling my chin up and breathing through the urge to push. they called my doctor who was working at the clinic and told her my status. she told them to call her when i was 9 cm.

the urges to push became more and more intense. i can only describe it like trying to stop mid throw up…your body has the serious urge to tense up and tighten. they checked me again at 9:20 and i was 8 1/2 cm. this was the only point during the labor that panic set in. i thought to myself, i don’t know if i can continue to hold off on this really intense pushing urge. brian, kelly and my mom were what got me through this. they stayed so calm, and helped me refocus on having this baby and staying in control. they assured me that i could do it. 30 minutes later, at 9:50 i was complete! they called the doctor and told her to book it! she gave the go ahead to let me give a “test” push.

i was finally ready to have this baby! i was so ready to push…thank god i could finally stop fighting this urge! so i did the test push and the nurse said “ok…no no no, you are going to have to stop.” the baby’s head was crowning and he was going to show up before the doctor got there if i didn’t stop. they told me to reach down and touch my baby’s head, that he had hair! it was the weirdest feeling. i imagined it would feel like a skull, but it felt like brains! “that’s his head?!” i said. because of the skin scrunching to fit through and his skull overlapping to fit through, it didn’t feel like a hard baby head at all.

the 15 minutes that it took my doctor to get there felt like a lifetime. my support team helped me through every second and every contraction. i finally heard my doctor scurry through the door and get prepped for delivering this baby. i was so thankful that she was finally there because i was so ready to push this baby out! he was going to be in my arms in no time! 3 hours at the hospital, and 8 cm later, i was ready to meet my baby. it took me three pushes to get him out. two for his head and one for his body. the pushing hurt, but i wanted him out so badly that i didn’t really focus on the pain, i just thought the harder i push the faster this will be done.


bastian oliver was born at 10:17am on wednesday, april 24th, 2013. seeing him for the first time was like nothing i have ever experienced. he was plump and purple. he screamed right away and was placed on my chest. i remember thinking, this is him! this is my baby! i am finally getting to meet him face to face. i was instantly in love. he cried and screamed and was not too happy about being out of his cozy home, but his mama and dada were. i looked at brian with total excitement, amazement, and relief that it was over and i was finally holding our son in my arms.

we nursed and goo-gooed over him for about 15 minutes until they took him across the room to check and weigh him. he was 7 lbs. 11 oz. and 20 inches long. i was so surprised that he wasn’t bigger! i laid in bed getting stitched up (yes i tore, but all in all it wasn’t that bad and recovery hasn’t been bad at all) just admiring my sweet baby boy across the room. i wanted him back in my arms so badly and never wanted to let him go.


giving birth to bastian oliver was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. each day that goes by, i forget about the pain more and more, and remember the excitement and empowerment i felt. i am so proud of myself that i went through with my plan and i was able to achieve something amazing for my son. i couldn’t have done it without the amazing help of my doula kelly, my mom, my husband, the nurse in the labor room, and our doctor. they kept reminding me that i was strong and in control. bastian is the most precious thing i have ever laid my eyes on. i love him so much and i am so amazed that brian and i created him. every minute of pain and intensity was worth it. i love you baby bastian.

bastian’s first week


bastian is one week old today. this week has been a whirl wind of emotions. when people tell you things will be hard, you don’t really think it will be that hard for ‘you’. when people say breast feeding is hard, you think ‘oh i will be able to do it’. when people talk about the baby blues, you don’t really understand what that means.

i am not saying  it has been bad, but it has been hard, very hard. the thing that has pulled me through this week is every time i look at bastian’s face or hear his little coos. in the middle of the night when i am tired and having to get up to feed this little sucking-eating machine, i just look down and see his sweet little face and it makes it all worth it. it melts my heart to see his little eyebrows peek up and his little mouth give me kissy faces. i could stare at him all day and night.

we are just trying our best and do what works for us; helping this little boy adjust to our world, and trying to meet his needs. i feel so lucky to be able to be his mom. i can’t believe that brian and i could create such a perfect little baby. everyday gets better and better, and i have to remind myself that no matter how tired, emotional or scared i feel, these days will go by so quickly. soon i will wake up with no little boy looking to me to feed him and i will long for those days of night time feedings.

i can’t really believe it has been one week. we are so lucky to have a sweet healthy baby boy. we are so in love!